LOST

it's funny how we find inspiration in the strangest places. some of us find it in the works of great philosophers while others find it among nature's entities. we all often assume that being the older ones, we tend to inspire others. that people will some day follow our footsteps. very rarely does anyone admit to being inspired by someone unknown to the rest of the world, one's very own Aristotle, Shakespeare, Caesar or Van Gogh.

today gave me something to think about. i read something someone very close to my heart wrote. this person is someone younger to me, and on another occasion claimed that i was a role model for that one. i was happy to have done some bit of inspiring for someone else, so you can fathom my level of pride! some how that episode ended there. today, when i did my bit of reading, i started to switch on the retrospect mode.

i realised something. i am a good writer. that is something i have always been credited with. granted, i have never really been happy with what i have written. but, now that i think about it, off late i barely ever write. and when i do, it is less than satisfactory. i write because it is my passion. but somewhere between the assignments, projects, exams, friends and fun, i seem to have lost that passion somewhere. no excuse, i am aware. my mind too is so empty nowadays. i no longer seem to think, as if my brain is on stand still. i dont mean to say that im faring badly in my academia, but that sort of thinking that really matters to me.

it feels to me like i have become this really shallow person lost in a superficial life. i am a very creative person. but i show none of it anymore, because i no longer do anything. a year ago, my note books would be full of doodles and poetry, my head would be full of revelations i would find within me about the world without, and my heart had a piercing pain because of all that agony in my mind. today, every part of me feels numb. i dont seem to think, or feel or even articulate in any way. where did that girl go? where is she lost? what happened to her? i need her back. she deserves to live!!