2010

at the beginning of each year we wish each other a hail and hearty new year, hoping that our own new year is better than the first ones. on the surface, if truth be told, this past year has been one of my worst years ever. i have resented this year for several different reasons. but when i finally calmed down and got to think about it, i realised that this has been a year in which i have changed soooo much. it has been a year of revelations, most of which i havnt yet been able to understand.

loads of things have happened that i had never dreamed to happen. i am not sure if those were my fault or someone elses or a combined degeneration. but if there is one thing i know, it is that i have learnt a lot of things this past year, and i will eternally be grateful to that. for one, i believe that i have evolved as a person. several things have changed in - i no longer keep things to myself or am afraid to speak out. i speak my mind, and that has gotten me into plenty trouble, but i dont regret any of it. its not always fun to think and analyse everything before saying or doing.

for another, i have realised that i have gotten more confidence and self-esteem this past year, and discovered a side of me i didnt even know i had!! i dont quite want to elaborate on that but i am glad for that change.

another thing most people who are close to me will tell you is that i am always willing to lend a ear and a shoulder to someone in need of it, but very rarely has anyone ever had to listen to my woes and worries. i always felt like i am burdening the world. i still dont tell anyone whats going on with me, if anything, i have started communicating even less - details about my life are very rarely told and never lest asked. but now, i let people come to me with their problems. and if they dont want to tell me, thats fine by me! its not my problem anyways!

i suffered a great loss this year in terms of my friends. everyone around me says that it was for the best. but i am still quite now sure i am able to deal with it. rather, i dont know how to react to it. im still struggling with that. i feel betrayed, for the most part. but it is something i think im used to. its happened before. its easy to accept as long as im not in class. its not fun feeling completely alone.

so yes. i dont know if u will agree with me about the bad year if you read this. i did exclude the details. but this is my pitfall, my demon. and it is something i have to deal with. but this year did teach me a lot. yes, 2010 was bad. but i am thankful for the things i have learnt!! :|